Catherine Jerome’s followup to Spinster, Please Do Not Touch the Talent, a snark-filled tale of behind the scenes work in Tinseltown will be available for only $.99, tomorrow, November 26, 2012 for Kindle readers (download the free ap for your PC or smartphone!). Here’s a snippet:
“Where is Jason? They said he was coming.” Amy stood up from her bed and went to look out the blacked-out windows. “Wow. Look at the media circus…he has to be here.”
“Amy… I wouldn’t get my hopes up okay…you know they,” I searched, “He has a very intense shoot for Murder for Murder in Greece. You know they won’t let him go.” I smiled feebly. We both knew he wasn’t coming for other reasons. Like, for starters, he doesn’t love you.
“Well…he’ll call. I’m sure he’ll want to talk to me—to make sure I’m alright.” She looked at the floor. “They said he left as soon as I was placed in the ambulance. And I’m already getting movie deals! I got a one today.”
“Really,” I asked suspiciously, “What is it called?”
“Knee Deep!” She chimed, “It’s about this guy who just gets released from jail and his son is kidnapped. I’m going to play RayRay. I’m kind of like his sidekick/lover!”
I nodded. “Amy, that sounds like Waist Deep.”
“Nobody will know.” She replied, “That was so long ago and it’ll really help me with the black community! Don’t you like it?”
“Amy, if I liked it I would have brought it to you.” I said, working to even my tone. “I want you to feel better,” I replied, “That’s what I would like.” I would also like for you to stop attempting to do my job. You can barely do yours. Amy was always bringing me shit pitches or projects. The last time she decided to direct her career was when The CW or one of those stupid teen stations was adapting a bunch of Disney and Comic Book themed shows. Apparently, some genius got it in their head to adapt The Little Mermaid for television and dubbed it Under the Sea, about a hotshot Coast Guard Detective—and previous Abercrombie and Fitch shirtless spritzer-manikin—who teams up with a magical underwater breathing runway model (the role Amy dubbed her “Pretty Woman breakthrough performance”) to investigate nautical based crimes. I wasn’t a smoker, but I lit a cigarette, puffed it until my lungs were tar black and then chucked it and the script into a trashcan of lighter fluid.